Thursday, 25 May 2017

Parenting Anxiety

Did you know that there is everyone thinks they are experts? Well yeah we all seen these so called friends offering an advice on any subject... 
But did you know how much pressure there is from the society on parents? And the judgment. So freaking much!
I am also guilty of that, I am working on that though. 
However this isn't a post about this. This is a post about me freaking out about my spirited toddler who woke up today before 5am. 

 

Edgar is now 2 and 8 months old. He is a happy, active boy, with a very strong personality... 
We are the only people around with a kid.
I speak Russian to him, when I don't forget... 
So Egg interacts better with adults and really not fussed on other kids. And he doesn't talk. He finds his way to get stuff he wants directing us and we can understand him. It would be a nightmare if we didn't. 
Oh and I don't work and hubby works all the time to support us. Basically with him being a chef and it is very difficult to find a job that would fit around childcare... 

 
So... our nursery is a bit concerned about these issues with little Egg man. Our health visitor referred us to speech therapy... it's truly wonderful to have so many resources on NHS but since these are on NHS wait and  time scales are ridicules. To get a proper advice and comments from a therapist they want to see him in nursery. And the only time they can come in to see him  is July! Two months from now. And Edgar been referred as priority.... 

And all of this makes me angry and super worried. I am certain that the kid just doesn't want to talk and doesn't want to play with kids just yet coz the adults are more interesting. 
I was mainly with adults and played by myself, I turned out ok. 
I am also worried with all this professionals around him looking for something unsual they will find it. 

And then I blame my self... 
I blame my self for not taking all the time to him. I blame my self for speaking Russian and for speaking not enough Russian. I blame myself for not being able to find work and that's why kid doesn't have a lot of nursery time (read other kid interaction). I blame myself for not ignoring all the mummy's cliques at play groups and stop going. I blame myself for everything. 

Welcome to mumming world! It is amazing and wonderful and yet terrible and isolating.... 

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Only love can...

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that" Martin Luther King Jr 

... I have no words... 

 

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Crazy Plant Obsession

I think I always had plants in my life... 
in the summer our balcony was like a little jungle back home. It was the only place that got sun all day long. 
So it wasn't a new scandi trend that I am into. 
However the love for plants didn't mean that I can pot, prune and put them in the right place... but it all has changed. Thanks to hubby dearest who is also rather greenfingered himself, he showed me how to plant, repot and what happens when he looses interest and forgets to water things... 
He doesn't water when I tend to overwater... no middle ground here. Oh and little one loves to water too.

 
We got a new succulent friend while food shopping yesterday. 

But luckily I have started to google and read on the plant subject so my green babies will thrive. 
I got to say our windowsill is super pretty 


I also learnt how to propagate some plants. It's actually easy and really satisfying. And then I give new plant babies away.
With warmer weather our garden is also looking rather  greener... but the mint! Who ever owned our house before planted the mint... without any way of limiting it. It's everywhere! I pulled some out of middle of patio in between the paving tiles. So my advice grow mint in a container! 

 
 Since the garden is still growing and not quiet finished there are only few photos of it. But this is the wonderful hydrangea we got from the flower show... 
Fun fact it was light blue when I brought it home. 

 

They change their colour depending of acidity in the soil. It has change the colour again... into more pinkish territory. 
Now I really want to clear the house of unwanted furniture and then hang some brackets up to hand flower pots of. It would be magical! 

 
 
Have a lovely weekend everyone! 
We are off to the Sunday market to see if I can score some more plants.
Sorry husband, I know I have promised not to get anymore... 

Sunday, 14 May 2017

My favourite shops

I love clothes and fashion... I love stuff and things makes me happy. I used to have so many shoes.... and some of them I haven't even worn before... and ever. 
I still have few shoes that I can't wear anymore since I had my son. My feet changed, just as much as my body did. I am still tiny size 2,5 to 3 (35-36 European) but now I also have wide feet. 

 

Yeap my feet got fat! And some of my old shoes are no good anymore. Damn! So I still fit into my wedding shoes? Will have to check this later. 
But as I got older I am trying to be more mindful of things I own. Sadly I would still get my things at cheap highstreet chains but I am getting less. I do not need tons of dresses and tees... 
I came to realise that I wear only certain things. If before I would wear dressed and would never wear shorts, now I mainly wear shorts, jeans and tees ... best gear to chase the toddler around. Now I am more conscious about my stuff to go with one another rather just be say a top that I can only wear with one thing.
But there are few exceptions to my new enlightened shopping way... 

Edgar... kid grows, ruins his clothes.

 

How cute is this hat?! And how cute is Egg in this hat. But it is straw. Like a delicate straw. So not for this energy ball!
Skin care... lotions, soaps.... I love these. 
Home... oh I love a nice stroll through a homeward department. 

 
Especially candels, such an easy way to transform your home. With dimmed flickering light and a scent. 
And my new obsession plants... 


Got this little guy at the RHS Flower Show. He has been repotted and has taken a proud spot on sunny windowsill in our bedroom... however I have promised  to hubby not to get anymore just yet.

This fast fashion culture we have it truly terrible. The waste, recycling, labour... have you seen that BBC Huw's war on waste from couple of years ago when he stood on the mountain of clothing? 
And think of these people who lost their lives in Bangladesh when the factory building collapsed... Here is a little Indi article on the subject...
I found this video on YouTube with great explanation of fast fashion.



But don't get me wrong, we cannot just shop ethically all the time. It is possible but not when I do not work personally, for example...  But do you really need new outfit every time you go out on the weekend? Or a brand new holiday wardrobe? So I am trying to shop more mindful if you like. Think before I buy... I have started to make a wish list every month of things I would like to have and goals I would like to achieve. And I go to say it really helps...

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

So retail not for me

Last few weeks I have had adventures in trying to get a job in a very nice shop... in order not to offend and perhaps general witchines (with a B) I shall not say what shop it is. But if you are friends on Facebook you know. 
So these guys had a notice outside their shop about the "recruitment" event. Well I thought you don't know unless you try.
  
 

Well it was something I definitely haven't done before and something very different. 
There was a massgive amount of people, think must have been about 80-100 of us turned up. And I was the minority, everyone seemed to be young and fresh, and born in 90s or even 00s. Strange feeling of not belonging came over me, like I am old and uncool. Husband texted saying that I am actually vintage.... 
I was almost the last person to get a one to one interview that lasted like 5minutes and been offered the trial shift. 
This got me very excited. I didn't think about it much. But when I got there and was let loose on the customer ... well I guess I just like to asses people first. Some one them just bored and pop over to kill time. I mean I quiet regularly do this myself and really not impressed when some one is trying to "assist" me. 
When I was sent home I felt super down. Like poop and totally disappointed in myself. 
I didn't hear back from them. Perhaps actually keeping people's cv handy or not taking email addresses on scraps of paper... oh never mind. 
Later same day I realised that I am just being silly, I never wanted to work in retail, I also wasn't sure if I would be able to make the hours with childcare. Would they accommodate my childcare needs? But I guess we will never know. 
What I did take away from this is that I can blab my way in without much difficulty. That I don't want to work in this type of retail. That happiness and perkiness should be real and not put on like a mask, I love genuine happiness. 
But it again brought me to the thought about flexibily... most of the employers want flexible employees but they aren't willing to be flexible themselves. Damn childcare is such a complicated issue... 

Monday, 1 May 2017

British Films

The easiest thing for me to do is to run away to the cinema. I love it. I have an unlimited card, I pay monthly fee and go to the cinema as much as I want. Even if it is too see the same film, yeah thinking about Rogue One. Gosh I loved that one so much!
But somehow lately I have managed to see mainly, British films. And these films couldn't be more different. 
First one I saw was Free Fire.

 

Oh my how different the story is... and it appears that everyone shoot like a storm trooper...badly. Basically a story about the shoot out and how things can escalate very quickly. This film is also very funny. Like super funny. Shame it wasn't in the cinema for too long. 
Another film that was in the cinema just for a week is City Of Tiny Lights

 

This film is actually adoptation of Patrick Neate's novel with the same title. Sort of a detective story, and a book I think I would rather enjoy... but my reading is mainly consists of Julia Donaldson and other wonderful kiddie writers. Maybe when I will have a bit more free time. I really enjoyed this film and I really enjoyed the interview it's lead Riz Ahmed did for Kermod and Mayo film review podcast... 
If you have time do watch this film. You will enjoy it. 

And the last film I saw, that had less diversity was Their Finest 

 

Good war time tale of movie magic to cheer up the masses. And one woman's struggle to make women's contribution known. It is not nessesary and feminist story but it has this feel. Visually this film is stunning and nostalgic I guess. Funny moments are funny, sad moments are super sad, and do not trust the artist. 
Once again a very good film, very enjoyable. This picture will appear to mass audience more than the other ones but it doesn't mean either of these films are bad. Their just very different and the last one just ticks all the demographic boxes. 
So yeah 3 very different film and all three were definite worth my time. Even if the chap in the row behind me was singing along with characters in their finest. Very strange.